Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Dainty Cadaver Mad Libs-Style Blog Thing: John DeVore

These days, John DeVore is known for being a self-proclaimed media whore, with sidelines as a blogger, a Twitter personality and a liberal shill for Fox News. He’s also, to his eternal shame, a playwright; in fact, performing together in his play Tupperware Orgy is the reason that Hope and I are married. (There is actually no truth to that whatsoever.) He’s actually the man who originally dubbed us the Legion of Doom 11 years ago (see the Dainty Cadaver origin story for context), so we keep him around as a kind of mascot. He is the token white guy on Team C.


If I could rewrite the ending to any play it would be Hamlet because the twerp should live long enough to find out he's an idiot.

No one’s gonna stop me from making an obscure pop culture reference in my car, which you are welcome to get into, once you get out of my dreams when I'm not interested in finishing this, Jeff.

When I first read the Dainty Cadaver scene that came before mine, my initial reaction was Shit, my ten pages is due in three hours. Then, I thought Why did I take that nap! It's due in an hour and a half. Finally, I turned it in at 11:59.

The song I listened to most/had in my head while writing my scene was Take The Long Way Home by Supertramp

As Abraham Lincoln said, “The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget that time I watched Harold and Maude on acid and cried and cried and then hung out for a month with an older English lesbian who taught me how to read tarot cards.”

Before I had Piper McKenzie in my life, I was a hollow shell of a human being. Now Piper McKenzie is finally going to learn how to fly.

The superpower I would least want to have would probably be super self-loathing.

Out, out, brief candle! / Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, / I can't improve upon or mock this, Jeff. I'm going to move on, if that's alright with you.

The first play I ever wrote was a play about a native american warrior named ravenclaw scalping the cowboys who killed his family. After that I was sent to the school shrink.

If I were to finish this sentence it would be no.

Writing for the Dainty Cadaver in this manner worked against my usual process because I'm not usually use to a strict deadline for a play. Plays are abandoned. This play was snatched from my hands.

If I didn’t write plays or do things like Dainty Cadavers I’d probably be wealthier.

Dreams and hope and sinister plots: that’s what little girls are made of.

I think the Internet does not affect the ways we make theater in that it is not entirely dissimilar from theater. Both are live mediums performed for an audience that can talk back to you.

The jumble of random nouns, verbs, adjectives and adverbs I would use to describe my Dainty Cadaver experience includes the following: I wrote a bunch of dick jokes.

In the beginning God created a couch, before moving on to light.

I couldn’t live without my testicle, but the part of it I could live without is the uncomfortable third one.

Have you ever noticed that playwrights are always likeI'm a playwrightwhile regular people are always like “so what?” What’s the deal?

Snabfllp nibminimmbinmtt falalaboocheray toddlesmick thank you for including me in Dainty Cadaver, Jeff. It was a lot of fun. You're a good guy, Jeff. Always liked you. Except for that once abbib simblantfermay pobbadooblemirph.

21. The next project I'm involved with is.... well, why don't you follow me at twitter.com/johndevore or friend me at facebook.com/misterdevore?

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