Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: ADAM SZYMKOWICZ (Team B)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Adam Szymkowicz’s plays have been produced throughout the U.S., and in Canada, England, The Netherlands, Germany and Lithuania. They are published by DPS and Samuel French. Adam studied playwriting at Columbia and Juilliard and is a two-time Lecomte du Nouy Prize winner, a member of the Dramatists Guild, Writer’s Guild of America, Primary Stages’ Dorothy Strelsin New American Writer’s Group, MCC Playwright’s Coalition and was a founding member of the Ars Nova Play Group. He was in residence at the William Inge Center and The Chance Theater and was commissioned by South Coast Rep. www.adamszymkowicz.com.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is SHAKESPEARE because HE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more FREE ART and less RELIGION IN SCHOOLS.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be PUCK because SHAKESPEARE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of MY PARENTS, BUT THEY WOULD BE WRONG.
   
   
5. At times I SCOFF at ELEGANT DESIGN between CROSS GUARD enforcing RADICAL bathysphere LOST collateral PINING for SUSTENANCE and also HOPE in case of ANGRY dandelions BUSKING for profit.
   
   
6. AIN’T ME Dainty Cadaver PALAVER.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is HOW BEST TO PURCHASE MY PLAYS.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: JOSHUA CONKEL (Team A)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Joshua Conkel is a playwright, culture vulture and Navy brat who hails from Washington State. He is the author of MilkMilkLemonade (Best Off Off Broadway Show of 2009-NY Press, published by Playscripts), The Chalk Boy (Published by Original Works Publishing), Lonesome Winter (co written with Megan Hill), The Sluts of Sutton Drive and I Wanna Destroy You, as well as countless short plays. Conkel’s work has been seen all over the country as well as internationally and has been developed by The Management, Soho Rep, Ensemble Studio Theatre, Old Vic, Dixon Place, The Flea and more. He is the Co-Artistic Director of The Management, and a member of Ensemble Studio Theatre, The Soho Rep Writers/Directors Lab, TOSOS and The Dramatists Guild.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is NICKY SILVER because HE’S A TOUGH, FUNNY QUEEN WHO CAN MAKE FUN OF ANYBODY AND GET AWAY WITH IT.
   
   

2. I think that theater in this country needs more GUTS and less BRAINS.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be STANLEY KOWALSKI because THEN I COULD KILL HIM.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of JOHN WATERS and SARAH KANE.
   
   
5. At times I LAUGH at CAMEL TOES between VAGINAL LIPS enforcing PATRIARCHAL IDEALS IN A bathysphere MADE OF collateral IN-JOKES for ABORTIONS and also I FLAXSEED in case of RAPIST dandelions SELLING TIMESHARES for profit.
   
   
6. FUCK Dainty Cadaver SO HARD.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is I AM A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: TIM ERRICKSON (Team C)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Tim Errickson is the Artistic Director of Boomerang Theatre Company. His play Endless Summer Nights premiered with Boomerang in September 2010, and was a “Pick of the Week” by nytheatre.com. Previous Boomerang credits include directing productions of Fenway, Burning The Old Man (6 NYIT Nominations, including Outstanding Direction) and Stoppard Goes Electric. Other recent directing credits include The Desk Set for Retro Productions (6 NYIT Nominations including Outstanding Production), Brad Fraser’s Unidentified Human Remains and the True Nature of Love, Racine’s Phaedre, Jamie Pachino’s Famous for Fifteen Years, Michael Weller’s Moonchildren (OOBR Award for Outstanding Production) and Brian Smallwood’s The Wedding Play.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is NILS STEBOYIK because HE’S A COMPLETELY FICTIONAL PERSON.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more KEG STANDS and less EVERYTHING ELSE.
   
   
3. if I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be ASTROV from UNCLE VANYA because HE’S SORT OF BADASS.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN STEVE AUSTIN and HOWARD DEAN.
   
   
5. At times I ______________ at ______________ between ______________enforcing ______________ bathysphere ______________ collateral ______________for ______________and also ______________ in case of ______________ dandelions ______________ for profit. (WHO CAME UP WITH THIS? THIS LOOKS LIKE PEE-WEE’S PLAYHOUSE ON ACID.)
   
   
6. I LOVE Dainty Cadaver SO MUCH, I WOULD NOT TRY FOR SECOND BASE ON THE FIRST DATE. RESPECT, YA’LL.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is I WENT TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL. IT EXPLAINS A LOT.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: TEMAR UNDERWOOD (Team B)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Temar Underwood is the founder and artistic director of I MEAN! Productions. As a playwright, his play Leak had its world premiere in 2009 at The Wings Theatre and his play The Lady Drug Dealer and the Heist had its world premiere at the New York International Fringe Festival this past August. Both plays were selected and published to indietheaternow.com, a digital library of American indie plays. His episodic play, The Ghost of Henderson Manor, was the curtain jerker (look it up!) as part of the 2010-2011 Vampire Cowboys’ Saturday Night Saloon Series. Look for his newest play, Breaking Kayfabe, to debut soon. Temar was honored to be a NYTheatre.com 2011 Person of the Year. www.temarunderwood.com

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is AUGUST WILSON because I FEEL LIKE BEING STEREOTYPICAL.

2. I think that theater in this country needs more MUSIC and less JUKEBOX MUSICALS.
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3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be IAGO because HE’S THE BEST VILLAIN EVER, AND WHO DOESN’T LOVE A GOOD VILLAIN?

4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of TINA TURNER and LEON (THE BLACK GUY IN THE MADONNA “LIKE A PRAYER” VIDEO).

5. At times I SCREAM at ALIENS between TENNIS SETS enforcing RICKETY bathysphere POEMS OF collateral FUNCTION for MY GRANDMA and also MY COUSIN in case of ENCOUNTERING dandelions THAT ARE NOT for profit.

6. I LOVE Dainty Cadaver FOR BEING SEXY AND MUSTY AT THE SAME TIME.

7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is THAT I RULE ALL THE FOLLOWS.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: NAT CASSIDY (Team C)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Nat Cassidy is an award-wining actor, playwright, and director, and a sandwich-winning musician. His plays include Any Day Now (winner, NYIT Award for Outstanding Lead Actress, 2009), The Reckoning of Kit & Little Boots (winner, NYIT Award for Outstanding Full-Length Script, 2009), The Eternal Husband ("Amazing, unforgettable, absolutely electrifying," Joe Franklin, Bloomberg Radio), and I Am Providence (winner, NYIT Award for Outstanding Solo Performance, 2011). He was recently named one of NYTHEATRE's People of the Year for 2011 and, most importantly, finally updated his website: natcassidy.com

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is ANDREW LLOYD WEBER because HE REALLY *GETS* ME, YOU KNOW?
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more COMFORTABLE CHAIRS and less SPRINKLER SYSTEMS WITH FLESH-DISSOLVING SPIDER VENOM.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be JESUS because THE JEWS CONTROL THE MEDIA (PLUS I OWE HIM ONE AFTER THAT INCIDENT DURING MY HAFTARAH PORTION).
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of CHARLES LINDBERGH and A TWIN-SIZED MATTRESS PAD, THESE PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY ON ANGEL DUST AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED.
   
   
5. At times I SNEEZE at RHEA PERLMAN between FONDLING GRAPES enforcing THE GREEK LETTER MU bathysphere AND TOM CRUISE IN collateral SHUT THE DAMN DOOR for YOUR MOTHER’S SAKE and also UNCTUOUS UNCTIONS in case of RASH dandelions CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR ALREADY for profit.
   
   
6. THE OPPOSITE OF Dainty Cadaver ISN’T HATE, IT’S APATHY.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: LAURA NONI ROHRMAN (Team A)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Laura Noni Rohrman is the author of several full-length plays, including Reporter Girl (A Princess Grace Finalist, O’Neill Festival semi-finalist and Weissberger Award nominee). Her many dark comedic one-acts have been produced all over town (NYC) and abroad. Laura is a graduate of The New School for Drama’s MFA program and a member of the Dramatist Guild. http://www.laurarohrman.com

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is MAMET because I SIMPLY COULDN’T, AND IT WOULD BE FUNNY IF I TRIED.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more PIPER MCKENZIE and less ZOE KAZAN.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be HARPER from ANGELS IN AMERICA because SHE’S SO TRIPPY.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of A SEAL and A SEA HORSE.
   
   
5. At times I STARE at MY DAUGHTER between GIVING HER DISCIPLINARY ACTIONS AND enforcing RULES... HMMMMM – bathysphere! WHATEVER THE (BLANK) THAT IS. I LOOKED IT UP AND GOT ANNOYED BECAUSE I’VE ALREADY FORGOTTEN WHAT IT MEANT. NICE. ABOUT ALL THAT YEAH – collateral DAMAGE FOR PROFIT AND ALSO NOT for profit. In case OF EMERGENCY – dandelions, DO SNIFF THEM.
   
   
6. DAMN Dainty Cadaver KICKED MY ASS.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is I’M ALWAYS HAPPY WHEN I’M FORCED TO WRITE. THANK YOU, JEFF.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: ADAM SCOTT MAZER (Team A)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Adam Scott Mazer is a writer, actor, director, and fight choreographer. He grew up in Birmingham, Alabama and attended Brown University. He moved to Brooklyn shortly after graduating with a degree in Theater Arts, and has since trained at the Rabid Vamps Fight Studio and has appeared in or worked on productions for companies including EST, Vampire Cowboys, Target Margin, Roundtable Ensemble, MT Works, The New York International Fringe Festival, and Columbia’s MFA program. In 2011, he co-founded AntiMatter Collective, which produced his original play Death Valley at the Bushwick Starr to glowing reviews.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is NO ONE IN PARTICULAR because I’D RATHER DREAM MY OWN DREAMS.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more EXPLODING HEADS and less NAVEL-GAZING.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be IAGO because VILLAINS HAVE THE MOST FUN.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of YOU and YOUR MOM.
   
   
5. At times I MARVEL at THE DIFFERENCE between ROBOTS enforcing STERILIZATION IN A bathysphere AND INFLICTING collateral DAMAGE for THEIR TECHNOLOGICAL DOMINION OVER THE LESSER KINGDOMS and also RUN IN TERROR in case of ENRAGED dandelions RAMPAGING ACROSS THE PASTORAL COUNTRYSIDE RAPING AND PILLAGING for profit.
   
   
6. I WANT TO EAT Dainty CadaverS WITH CHEESE.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is THAT I HAVE PSYCHIC POWERS.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: MARC SPITZ (Team C)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Since emerging in 1998 on the Ludlow Street scene centered around Todo Con Nada, Marc Spitz has written and co-produced a dozen plays including Retail Sluts, The Rise and Fall of the Farewell Drugs, …Worry, Baby, I Wanna Be Adored, Shyness Is Nice, Gravity Always Wins, Your Face Is A Mess, the holiday short “A Marshmallow World” (which premiered at The Brick as part of The Baby Jesus One Act Jubilee: Second Coming in 2007), Up For Anything, and the forthcoming P.S., It’s Poison. Thanks to Jeff and everyone at The Brick for another seriously fun challenge.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is JONATHAN LARSON because I DON’T REMEMBER THE EAST VILLAGE, DRUGS AND WALLET CHAINS QUITE THAT WAY.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more CHONG and less CHEECH.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be PALE from BURN THIS because I WOULD FINALLY HAVE A HERO WHO IS A SPRINGSTEEN FAN.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of JOE ORTON and CAROL BURNETT.
   
   
5. At times I BARK at TOURISTS between HUDSON AND BLEECKER enforcing A SENS OF bathysphere-LIKE PRIVACY AND AVOIDING collateral INTRUSION for THE SAKE OF PETE and also GIRDING THEM in case of TERROR SINCE HIPPIES CARRYING dandelions ONLY TOIL for profit.
   
   
6. HIGH SCHOOL IS OVER AND Dainty Cadaver IS THE NEW DETENTION.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is I’M PURE EVIL.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: JULIA LEE BARCLAY (Team C)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Julia Lee Barclay is an award-winning writer and director, whose work has been produced and published internationally. She recently returned to NYC from London where she lived for 8 years. In UK she founded Apocryphal Theatre (http://www.flyingoutofsequence.org), which evolved from an experimental lab at Camden People's Theatre in London (which was a continuation of labs/workshops she led in NYC from 1997-2001 at The Present Company). She received a fellowship to complete a practice-as-research PhD at University of Northampton, arguing that theater can be an act of philosophy. Many of her plays have been anthologized and six are available online at http://www.indietheaternow.com. She is an adjunct assistant professor at CUNY (Hunter & Bronx Community College) and writes daily on Somewhere in Transition (http://julialeebarclay.blogspot.com).

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is BECKETT because I AM LAZY AND THERE WOULD BE SO LITTLE TO ADD EXCEPT PERHAPS… (SILENCE)…
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more TRULY RISKY EXPERIMENTATION and less PREDICTABLE FOURTH-WALL NATURALISM.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be THE “SILENT WITNESS WEARING DJELIBA” from BECKETT’S NOT I because SHE IS USUALLY IGNORED AND I WANT TO HEAR THAT CHICK’S STORY.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of DAVID MAMET and GERTRUDE STEIN.
   
   
5. At times I FEEL DIZZY at THE CHOICE between VIGOROUSLY enforcing WHO SHOULD RID IN THE bathysphere OR ASKING FOR collateral FLOWERS for FREE RIDES and also A FEW SMALL CHILDREN in case of BEING GIVEN EMERGENCY BACK-UP dandelions THAT SIMPLY CANNOT BE SOLD for profit.
   
   
6. I WAS EXCITED BY Dainty Cadaver FOR OFFERING ME CRAZY FUN FREEDOM.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is THAT I DO NOT EXIST.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: TRAV S.D. (Team A)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Trav S.D. is the author of the popular book No Applause, Just Throw Money: The Book That Made Vaudeville Famous. A former contributor to American Theatre, the Village Voice, Time Out New York, et al., he now writes the Downtown Theatre column for The Villager as well as the blog “Travalanche.” He is a frequent public speaker, variety host, actor, and radio guest, and his plays and monologues have been presented from Seattle to London. His next book: Chain of Fools: Silent Comedy and Its Legacies from Nickelodeons to YouTube will be out in September 2012.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is THE VIRGINIA TECH SCHOOL SHOOTER because I'D TAKE OUT THAT BIT AT THE END WHERE HE SHOOTS THEM KIDS.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more OPPORTUNITY FOR TRAV S.D. and less OPPORTUNITY AND ENCOURAGEMENT for OTHERS.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be LAMB from THE SECOND SHEPHERD'S PLAY because FUZZY.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of FLIPPER and THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS.
   
   
5. At times I BALK at THE VERY NOTION OF PLACING MY HEAD between TWO SLICES OF BREAD enforcing AN ALTERNATIVE TO THE FISH LUNCHEON PREVIOUSLY PREPARED FOR MY CREW IN THE bathysphere WE HAVE NEWLY RE-CHRISTENED "ATHENA" AFTER HAVING RECENTLY RE-FITTED THE VESSEL FOR DEEP OCEAN DIVES AROUND SUPER-HOT VOLCANIC VENTS. I'D EARLIER PURCHASED THIS HIGH TECH SUBMERSIBLE USING MY OWN LIVER AS collateral THUS MAKING IT OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE for US TO RETURN TO THE SURFACE SUCCESSFULLY and also TO BE ON FULL ALERT in case of ATTACK FROM THE GIANT MAN-EATING NAUTILUS, WHO HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO ATTACK OUR DIVERS WHILST THEY HARVEST THE SEA-dandelions WE OFTEN PLUCK FROM THE SEA BOTTOM AND SELL TO CERTAIN PARK SLOPE RESTAURANTS for profit.
   
   
6. FIFTEEN Dainty CadaverS ON A DEAD MAN'S CHEST -- YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM!
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is SOMETIMES WHEN I'M ALL ALONE, AND I'M SURE THAT NO ONE IS LOOKING... I LIKE TO DRESS LIKE A MAN.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: TIMOTHY McCOWN REYNOLDS (Team A)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Timothy McCown Reynolds writes, acts, directs, designs, builds, produces. Currently at work on two plays (The Angel and The Devil) that comprise one larger play called BLUE-BEARD: being the Tragicall Historie of that most Notorious Frenchman, Gilles de Rais, his Lyfe and Death.

Completed plays include Le Lycanthrope, a Revenge-Farce with a Monster-Movie Groove and Henry Lee. All Love & Work dedicated to the Emperor Maximillian, Fast Eddie, and the Lorelei of the Mississippi.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is CHRISTOPHER MARLOWE because I DON’T THINK THAT HE WAS QUITE DONE YET.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more FOCUS and less EGO.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be ALCESTE from LE MISANTHROPE because I DID.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of MY FATHER and MY MOTHER.
   
   
5. At times I WONDER at DIFFERENCES between RECTALLY enforcing EQUANANIMOUS bathysphere CONDITIONS, collateral HOMELESSNESS for THE 1%, and also TRANSCENDENTAL MEDICATION in case of SCIONS OF dandelions-INSPIRED RAGE-KILLINGS for profit.
   
   
6. I LOVE A GOOD Dainty Cadaver SANDWICH.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is THAT MY PEOPLES ARE FRAIL OF FORM BUT MIGHTY IN IMAGINATIONS.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: KELLY JEAN FITZSIMMONS (Team B)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Kelly Jean Fitzsimmons wrote/produced All I Want is One More Meanwhile in the Brick’s Comic Book Theater Festival. Her play Crayon Noir was recently part of Animus Theatre Company’s play development series. An award-winning screenwriter and Writers Boot Camp alumni, she is a co-writer on the web series INTERSECTION, which you can check out at, www.intersectionseries.com. Working as a “Blogger for Hunger,” she created White Girl with a Fat Ass (www.jellykean.wordpress.com) with the mission to raise awareness for hunger relief in humorous way, and the site has raised over $5,000 to fight hunger in America. Keep it going!

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is CHRISTOPHER MARLOWE because THIS WOULD GIVE A WHOLE NEW DEFINITION TO THE NOTION OF THE BLANK VERSE.
   
   
2. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be MRS. MALAPROP from SHERIDAN’S THE RIVALS because MY WORK COULD ONLY BENEFIT FROM MISUSING SIMILAR-SOUNDING WORDS.
   
   
3. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of MISS PIGGY and JEAN-LUC PICARD.
   
   
4. At times I STALK CRAIGSLIST MISSED CONNECTIONS at 3 A.M. between WHIMSY enforcing AT THE COLLEGE BOARD AND COMMUNICATING TO MY SECRETY WISHES TO MY bathysphere PAL WHO HOLDS ALL MY BEST SECRETS AS collateral TO KEEP ME HONEST for CHRIST’S SAKE and also MUM’S THE WORD in case of ROWDY SENTIENT dandelions WHO ARE ONLY HOPING TO BE PLUCKED for profit.
   
   
5. AH, Dainty Cadaver – UNLIKE THE HIGHLANDER – THANK GOODNESS THERE CAN BE MORE THAN ONE.
   
   
6. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is AT ANY GIVEN TIME, DESPITE MY CYNICISM, WHAT I PROBABLY NEED MOST IS A HUG.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: CHANCE MUEHLECK (Team B)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Chance D. Muehleck is a creator of play texts, theatre assemblies, and concepts for performance. His company, The Nerve Tank, was recently named a Person of the Year by the New York Theatre Experience. He is the recipient of the John Golden Award for Excellence in Playwriting, and his work has been published by Smith & Kraus, United Stages, and Indie Theatre Now. His multimedia performance installation The Attendants was called “an important new development in performance” by the Village Voice. Chance wrote and directed the short film “Sponge,” and his feature “The Vultures” was a finalist for the Slamdance Screenplay Competition. www.chancemuehleck.com.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is BECKETT because I’D LIKE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT COPYRIGHT LAW.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more SKATE and less BORED.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be HAMLET because THAT’S NEVER BEEN DONE, RIGHT?.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of BUGS BUNNY and MARINA ABRAMOVIC.
   
   
5. At times I STARE at LED LIGHTS between SIPS OF COFFEE WHILE_enforcing SEVEN bathysphere TOY DIVERS WITH collateral CHEESECAKE for ALL and also TWIST FIRMLY in case of FUNGIBLE dandelions AUCTIONED for profit.
   
   
6. FROLICKING Dainty Cadaver BUZZSAWS.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is I LOVE THEM.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: JEN SILVERMAN (Team A)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Jen Silverman is half-robot half-electric-eel, and her veins are full of sweet cabernet. She received her MFA from Iowa Playwrights Workshop, her BA from Brown, and any other credentials from the mean streets of various international cities. Her play Crane Story premiered Off-Broadway in 2011 at the Cherry Lane with The Playwrights Realm, and her one-act “The Education of Macoloco” won the 2009 Samuel French Off-Off Broadway Play Festival and was published by Samuel French. In 2011 she was a US Delegate for a China/America Writers Exchange in Beijing and Chicago, and is currently in residence at the MacDowell Writers Colony.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is GOD because HE HAS SEX AND VIOLENCE DOWN TO AN ART, JUST LOOK AROUND.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more VISCERAL DARING and less EASY AND COMFORTABLE TROPES.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be HAMLET because THEN I COULD MAKE HIM MAN UP.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of ROMULUS and REMUS.
   
   
5. At times I GOGGLE at THE JELLYFISH between THE ROCKS enforcing INTIMACY WITH MY bathysphere AND REPRESENTING collateral DAMAGE for THE SAKE OF ENTERTAINMENT and also A GENERAL ENNUI in case of CARNIVOROUS dandelions CARNIVORATING for profit.
   
   
6. BRING ON THE Dainty Cadaver !!!.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is I MIGHT MUG YOU.

Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: NINA MANSFIELD (Team B)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Nina Mansfield is a Greenwich, CT based writer of plays and fiction. Her work has been produced throughout the United States and in Canada, England and Ireland at a variety of venues and festivals, including the New York International Fringe Festival, the Boston Theatre Marathon, Vital Theatre’s New Works Festival, 20% Theatre Twin Cities, the Six Women Playwright Festival, Looking Glass Theatre Forum, San Pedro’s Little Fish Theatre and multiple 8-Minute Madness Festivals in New York. Her plays are published by Smith & Kraus, Original Works Publishing, One Act Play Depot and YouthPLAYS. Visit her at: www.ninamansfield.com.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is SOPHOCLES because HIS ENDINGS WERE TOO SAD.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more INTERPRETIVE DANCE and less NON-INTERPRETIVE DANCE.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be DESDEMONA because I’D LIKE TO KILL HER TOO, BUT IN A DIFFERENT WAY.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of CHRISTOPHER DURANG and GRACE KELLY.
   
   
5. At times I SPREAD WEED KILLER at YOGA CLASSES between DOWNWARD FACING DOGS enforcing STRICT bathysphere-LIKE BREATHING METHODS, IN ORDER TO MINIMIZE collateral DAMAGE for MYSELF and also OT
   
   
6. GO Dainty Cadaver YOURSELF.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is I WAS BETSY ROSS IN A PAST LIFE.