Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: TRAV S.D. (Team A)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Trav S.D. is the author of the popular book No Applause, Just Throw Money: The Book That Made Vaudeville Famous. A former contributor to American Theatre, the Village Voice, Time Out New York, et al., he now writes the Downtown Theatre column for The Villager as well as the blog “Travalanche.” He is a frequent public speaker, variety host, actor, and radio guest, and his plays and monologues have been presented from Seattle to London. His next book: Chain of Fools: Silent Comedy and Its Legacies from Nickelodeons to YouTube will be out in September 2012.

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is THE VIRGINIA TECH SCHOOL SHOOTER because I'D TAKE OUT THAT BIT AT THE END WHERE HE SHOOTS THEM KIDS.
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more OPPORTUNITY FOR TRAV S.D. and less OPPORTUNITY AND ENCOURAGEMENT for OTHERS.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be LAMB from THE SECOND SHEPHERD'S PLAY because FUZZY.
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of FLIPPER and THE HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS.
   
   
5. At times I BALK at THE VERY NOTION OF PLACING MY HEAD between TWO SLICES OF BREAD enforcing AN ALTERNATIVE TO THE FISH LUNCHEON PREVIOUSLY PREPARED FOR MY CREW IN THE bathysphere WE HAVE NEWLY RE-CHRISTENED "ATHENA" AFTER HAVING RECENTLY RE-FITTED THE VESSEL FOR DEEP OCEAN DIVES AROUND SUPER-HOT VOLCANIC VENTS. I'D EARLIER PURCHASED THIS HIGH TECH SUBMERSIBLE USING MY OWN LIVER AS collateral THUS MAKING IT OF THE UTMOST IMPORTANCE for US TO RETURN TO THE SURFACE SUCCESSFULLY and also TO BE ON FULL ALERT in case of ATTACK FROM THE GIANT MAN-EATING NAUTILUS, WHO HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO ATTACK OUR DIVERS WHILST THEY HARVEST THE SEA-dandelions WE OFTEN PLUCK FROM THE SEA BOTTOM AND SELL TO CERTAIN PARK SLOPE RESTAURANTS for profit.
   
   
6. FIFTEEN Dainty CadaverS ON A DEAD MAN'S CHEST -- YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM!
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is SOMETIMES WHEN I'M ALL ALONE, AND I'M SURE THAT NO ONE IS LOOKING... I LIKE TO DRESS LIKE A MAN.