Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: KELLY JEAN FITZSIMMONS (Team B)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Kelly Jean Fitzsimmons wrote/produced All I Want is One More Meanwhile in the Brick’s Comic Book Theater Festival. Her play Crayon Noir was recently part of Animus Theatre Company’s play development series. An award-winning screenwriter and Writers Boot Camp alumni, she is a co-writer on the web series INTERSECTION, which you can check out at, www.intersectionseries.com. Working as a “Blogger for Hunger,” she created White Girl with a Fat Ass (www.jellykean.wordpress.com) with the mission to raise awareness for hunger relief in humorous way, and the site has raised over $5,000 to fight hunger in America. Keep it going!

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is CHRISTOPHER MARLOWE because THIS WOULD GIVE A WHOLE NEW DEFINITION TO THE NOTION OF THE BLANK VERSE.
   
   
2. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be MRS. MALAPROP from SHERIDAN’S THE RIVALS because MY WORK COULD ONLY BENEFIT FROM MISUSING SIMILAR-SOUNDING WORDS.
   
   
3. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of MISS PIGGY and JEAN-LUC PICARD.
   
   
4. At times I STALK CRAIGSLIST MISSED CONNECTIONS at 3 A.M. between WHIMSY enforcing AT THE COLLEGE BOARD AND COMMUNICATING TO MY SECRETY WISHES TO MY bathysphere PAL WHO HOLDS ALL MY BEST SECRETS AS collateral TO KEEP ME HONEST for CHRIST’S SAKE and also MUM’S THE WORD in case of ROWDY SENTIENT dandelions WHO ARE ONLY HOPING TO BE PLUCKED for profit.
   
   
5. AH, Dainty Cadaver – UNLIKE THE HIGHLANDER – THANK GOODNESS THERE CAN BE MORE THAN ONE.
   
   
6. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is AT ANY GIVEN TIME, DESPITE MY CYNICISM, WHAT I PROBABLY NEED MOST IS A HUG.