Dainty Cadaver Playwright Profiles: NAT CASSIDY (Team C)

This week, we're running a series of profiles of the playwrights for Piper McKenzie's Dainty Cadaver 2012, in which they fill in the blanks in a number of outlandish and unhelpful statements we have provided.

Nat Cassidy is an award-wining actor, playwright, and director, and a sandwich-winning musician. His plays include Any Day Now (winner, NYIT Award for Outstanding Lead Actress, 2009), The Reckoning of Kit & Little Boots (winner, NYIT Award for Outstanding Full-Length Script, 2009), The Eternal Husband ("Amazing, unforgettable, absolutely electrifying," Joe Franklin, Bloomberg Radio), and I Am Providence (winner, NYIT Award for Outstanding Solo Performance, 2011). He was recently named one of NYTHEATRE's People of the Year for 2011 and, most importantly, finally updated his website: natcassidy.com

1. The playwright whose work I’d most like to continue in my own words is ANDREW LLOYD WEBER because HE REALLY *GETS* ME, YOU KNOW?
   
   
2. I think that theater in this country needs more COMFORTABLE CHAIRS and less SPRINKLER SYSTEMS WITH FLESH-DISSOLVING SPIDER VENOM.
   
   
3. If I could steal one character from another play and put them in my own play, it would be JESUS because THE JEWS CONTROL THE MEDIA (PLUS I OWE HIM ONE AFTER THAT INCIDENT DURING MY HAFTARAH PORTION).
   
   
4. Some would describe me as the bastard love child of CHARLES LINDBERGH and A TWIN-SIZED MATTRESS PAD, THESE PEOPLE ARE OBVIOUSLY ON ANGEL DUST AND SHOULD BE AVOIDED.
   
   
5. At times I SNEEZE at RHEA PERLMAN between FONDLING GRAPES enforcing THE GREEK LETTER MU bathysphere AND TOM CRUISE IN collateral SHUT THE DAMN DOOR for YOUR MOTHER’S SAKE and also UNCTUOUS UNCTIONS in case of RASH dandelions CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR ALREADY for profit.
   
   
6. THE OPPOSITE OF Dainty Cadaver ISN’T HATE, IT’S APATHY.
   
   
7. The one thing I think it’s important for audiences to know about me is I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU.